“I’m not shy, just a private person.” Sound Familiar?

It can be a cover up, but not always. As we get older and still don’t kick the shyness habit, sometimes we rationalize that we’re not shy just private. After all, isn’t that what introverts are all about? Living and working in their minds? Yes, but some love it! They’re happy with it. For example, take Mark Zuckerberg from Social Network. Many social graces don’t register with him even though his girlfriend said without more warmth, she would break up. He couldn’t comply because his work dominated his thoughts.  But for some introverts, and yes, even for some extroverts, they can’t be socially warm even though that’s what they want more than anything. Their fears blocks them from sharing, from being connected, from being in the moment with others. Today we know that by acknowledging and talking about these inhibitions, we can overcome them. Do it here: you don’t have to join the blog or even use your real name.


    1. Hello Sudbury,

      I didn’t intend to imply that Mark’s work caused him to be unsocial, rather his intensive interest in his work did, which I understand Aspergers can cause? Glad you like my website. PLease return to it.

  1. Does he really? I guess I missed that. I’ve only seen clips of the movie which make Zuckerberg seem really hostile, not just unsocial.

    1. hmmmm. I’m going to watch the film again and try to see why, how and when his hostility (which is quite evident) develops. Good point. Helen

  2. Perhaps a person deems herself shy because of her feelings of fear of others, resulting in holding back and self-consciousness. This would have described me in earlier years. Now I’d say that I trust my intuition, and only open up to others selectively, prefering my privacy from (some) groups. Or is that just a rationale?

    1. Hi Liz,

      I used to kind of examine people, trying to figure out if they were safe, genuine, kind, interested in me. That took a lot of time and energy and sometimes before I came to any conclusions, it was too late. They were out of my life. Now, years later, I don’t do that any more. In most instances I happily trust and talk with people, liking them unless I see or feel a reason not to — or until they see we are not compatible.

      Maybe now I am more aware that it is a rare delight to find someone who is congenial and I increase my chances of finding that person by talking to more people, not less. So in a way, it could be a “rationale” that says you are not shy because you do not fear all people. Does this make any sense?

      1. I used to be labeled “shy” as a child, but time and experience have changed me. There’s nothing like getting out in the world and trying new things, being with new people, and most of all, traveling.
        But somehow, I think that I will never lose my innate reserved nature. It’s part of my ancestral heritage. My family members were like this, too.

        1. Hi Liz,

          So good to hear from you again. Notice a little difference between having an innate reserved nature and an innate quiet nature. I sense more of a holding back in the reserved nature. Do you think it possible some of your ancestors could have been on the innately quiet side, perhaps seeming to be reserved but in fact being quiet in order to ponder their non-verbal thoughts?

          1. Liz, after more thought, I see two distinct ways to approach the idea of “being reserved.”

            It may be someone is reserved because they want to hold back on presenting their opinions, ideas until they review the matter at hand,
            ; they want to give other people the time and right to speak or they just don’t feel pressed to say anything at any given time.

            Thought number two: it can be that harmful rationale you were talking about earlier, the one that keeps you from examining yourself and the why of your not speaking up when you really would like to. Any thoughts?

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